two hours of sleep during the circuit breaker phase

the past attachments chain me down.  i see your face or whatever memory left of it. Jumbled pieces of time and fragments of nostalgia intermixed with a sense of loss.

i see a movie playing and three of us watching, the comforting silence only broken by the sounds of tortilla chips and guacamole. i edge closer to you. i offer a chip but you return me with more. i am content knowing there is an underlying bond that resonates between us. words take a backseat. time stands still for a moment. then I awake with a sense of longing for more.

humans are greedy even in relationships. the thirst for more is not quenched easily.

it feels like a part of me went missing for the past 13 years. maybe i lost it when i lost you then.
returning to past is not a solution. closure seems to be. how do I suppress desires in this reality?

the added thumping sound from the floor above does not help one return to sleep.

i made you the reason to leave you and it was necessary against my weak will. but you never resisted bearing the blame.

the optimum distance from you is a metre away at the expense of not knowing how this will end. in my head or yours?