total indifference

my first experience of total indifference.
how did my heart become so cold? did the coolness of the foreign climate seep into my heart and freeze it completely? that any hurt i might feel is but barely a sting in the eyes.
or has my heart grown tired of quarrels, of conflicts in ideas n beliefs, of trying to compromise, of submission n loss of self-identity?

i want love still but not when i have to give up certain personal beliefs. and i am not ready to give them up for anyone or anything. amazing how 10 days in a foreign country with 3 friends can change my perspective of life almost completely.

if i am not able to obtain comfort, support and understanding, is there any more reason to hold onto a relationship? if likewise, i am unable to provide you with all these, then we would just be two miserable people stuck in an empty relationship. let ouselves free, before we suffocate from each other's treatment.

rudeness and unkindness are far from being expressions of love. lately, concern you gave me little, shouting aplenty. friends all see it. i cannot bear it longer.

if i told you what i need, would you understand? or would you take it as a personal attack against you and in your defense of yourself, find ways to attack me or hurt me further?

i know you, that is why silence is best.

and from now, i shall keep silent.