confused

as i wallow in self-pity, i feel a mix of loss, hurt, anger, self-resentment, helplessness and frustration.
angry that people should say things that they later go back on. not the simple things but the more important ones. childish of me..maybe..cannot accept change, maybe..believe in ideals and not reality..maybe..

guilt..drives people to certain actions and behaviors..
do i want others to do things for me out of guilt and obligation or out of love and care and concern?

we all would prefer the latter of course, but honestly, can we even distinguish the reasons for helping another? sometimes, we just do without thinking, like an automatic repsonse, without knowing the motive behind it...
purity of actions drawn from the heart is what i believe in. how many actually do that?

OR is the action more important than the reasons behind that one should stop questioning the deeper attitudes? is it better to just take things on the superficial level or at face value, instead of understanding the true meaning of one's acts of "love"?

i do not know. questions fill my mind, waiting to be answered.
But
i know, nearing the end of one's life, all these dont matter much.

life has always been simple, its people who complicate it.

ps. most would not enjoy my blog for the "heavy" content or the cynical views, but it dont matter to me. i'll write cos it makes me happy.